经典科幻文学:《宇宙尽头的餐馆》第17章8

“You get this bath, see? Imagine you’ve got this bath. And it’s ebony. And it’s conical.”
“Conical?” said Arthur, “What sort of…”
“Shhh!” said Ford. “It’s conical. So what you do is, you see, you fill it with fine white sand, alright? Or sugar. Fine white sand, and/or sugar. Anything. Doesn’t matter. Sugar’s fine. And when it’s full, you pull the plug out… are you listening?”
“I’m listening.”
“You pull the plug out, and it all just twirls away, twirls away you see, out of the plughole.”
“I see.”
“You don’t see. You don’t see at all. I haven’t got to the clever bit yet. You want to hear the clever bit?”
“Tell me the clever bit.”
“I’ll tell you the clever bit.”
Ford thought for a moment, trying to remember what the clever bit was.
“The clever bit,” he said, “is this. You film it happening.”
“Clever.”
“That’s not the clever bit. This is the clever bit, I remember now that this is the clever bit. The clever bit is that you then thread the film in the projector… backwards!”
“Backwards?”
“Yes. Threading it backwards is definitely the clever bit. So then, you just sit and watch it, and everything just appears to spiral upwards out of the plughole and fill the bath. See?”
“And that’s how the Universe began is it?” said Arthur.
“No,” said Ford, “but it’s a marvellous way to relax.”
He reached for his wine glass.
“Where’s my wine glass?” he said.
“It’s on the floor.”
“Ah.”
Tipping back his chair to look for it, Ford collided with the small green waiter who was approaching the table carrying a portable telephone.
Ford excused himself to the waiter explaining that it was because he was extremely drunk.
The waiter said that that was quite alright and that he perfectly understood.
Ford thanked the waiter for his kind indulgence, attempted to tug his forelock, missed by six inches and slid under the table.
“Mr. Zaphod Beeblebrox?” inquired the waiter.
“Er, yeah?” said Zaphod, glancing up from his third steak.
“There is a phone call for you.”
“Hey, what?”

“你有这个浴盆，明白吗々假设你有这个浴盆。并且，它是用乌木做的，圆锥状的”
“圆锥状？”阿瑟说，“哪种？”
“嘘！”福特说，“它就是圆锥状的，然后，你需要做的是－－你知道－－把它里面填满细白沙，明白吗？或者白糖也可以。细白沙，或白糖，任何东西，没关系的。白糖不错，当它装满时，你拔掉浴盆塞子，你在听吗？”
“我听着呢！”
“你拔掉塞子，然后，里面的东西就都旋转着漏掉了，旋转着漏掉，你知道，从塞孔中。”
“我明白。”
”怀不明白。你根本不明白。我还没有到最妙的部分呢。你想听最妙的部分吗？”
“告诉我最妙的部分吧，”
“我会告诉你最妙的部分的。”
福特想了一会儿，极力回忆最妙的部分是什么。
“最妙的部分，”他说，“是这个。你拍下它正在发生的场面。”
“确实妙。”
“这不是最妙的部分。这才是最妙的部分，现在我记起来了，这才是最妙的部分。最妙的部分是，然后，你把胶片装进放映机往回倒！”
“往回倒？”
“是的。装进去再往回倒才的的确确是最妙的部分。然后，你坐在那儿观看，一切就像通过塞螺旋形上升，最终填满整个浴盆。明白吗？”
“宇宙就是这样开始的，是吗？”阿瑟说。
“不，”福特说，“这是一种很棒的放松方式。”
他伸手去拿他的酒杯。
“我的酒杯在哪？”他问。
“在地上。”
“喔。”
福特向后翘起椅子，想找到酒杯，却撞到一个绿色侍者，他正拿着一部便携斌电话朝餐桌走过来。
福特向他道歉，解释说这是因为自己已经喝得相当醉了。
侍者说这丝毫没有关系，他完全能理解。
捐特感谢他善意的宽容，这才滑到桌子下面。
“赞福德‘毕障布鲁克斯先生？”侍者问道。
“嗯，什么事？”赞福德说，把目光从他的第一块肉排上转移过来。
“有您的一个电话，”
“嗯，什么？”