狄更斯双语小说:《董贝父子》第35章Part8

'Never seek to find in me,' said Edith, laying her hand upon her breast, 'what is not here. Never if you can help it, Florence, fall off from me because it is not here. Little by little you will know me better, and the time will come when you will know me, as I know myself. Then, be as lenient to me as you can, and do not turn to bitterness the only sweet remembrance I shall have.
The tears that were visible in her eyes as she kept them fixed on Florence, showed that the composed face was but as a handsome mask; but she preserved it, and continued:
'I have seen what you say, and know how true it is. But believe me - you will soon, if you cannot now - there is no one on this earth less qualified to set it right or help you, Florence, than I. Never ask me why, or speak to me about it or of my husband, more. There should be, so far, a division, and a silence between us two, like the grave itself.'
She sat for some time silent; Florence scarcely venturing to breathe meanwhile, as dim and imperfect shadows of the truth, and all its daily consequences, chased each other through her terrified, yet incredulous imagination. Almost as soon as she had ceased to speak, Edith's face began to subside from its set composure to that quieter and more relenting aspect, which it usually wore when she and Florence were alone together. She shaded it, after this change, with her hands; and when she arose, and with an affectionate embrace bade Florence good-night, went quickly, and without looking round.
But when Florence was in bed, and the room was dark except for the glow of the fire, Edith returned, and saying that she could not sleep, and that her dressing-room was lonely, drew a chair upon the hearth, and watched the embers as they died away. Florence watched them too from her bed, until they, and the noble figure before them, crowned with its flowing hair, and in its thoughtful eyes reflecting back their light, became confused and indistinct, and finally were lost in slumber.
In her sleep, however, Florence could not lose an undefined impression of what had so recently passed. It formed the subject of her dreams, and haunted her; now in one shape, now in another; but always oppressively; and with a sense of fear. She dreamed of seeking her father in wildernesses, of following his track up fearful heights, and down into deep mines and caverns; of being charged with something that would release him from extraordinary suffering - she knew not what, or why - yet never being able to attain the goal and set him free. Then she saw him dead, upon that very bed, and in that very room, and knew that he had never loved her to the last, and fell upon his cold breast, passionately weeping. Then a prospect opened, and a river flowed, and a plaintive voice she knew, cried, 'It is running on, Floy! It has never stopped! You are moving with it!' And she saw him at a distance stretching out his arms towards her, while a figure such as Walter's used to be, stood near him, awfully serene and still. In every vision, Edith came and went, sometimes to her joy, sometimes to her sorrow, until they were alone upon the brink of a dark grave, and Edith pointing down, she looked and saw - what! - another Edith lying at the bottom.
In the terror of this dream, she cried out and awoke, she thought. A soft voice seemed to whisper in her ear, 'Florence, dear Florence, it is nothing but a dream!' and stretching out her arms, she returned the caress of her new Mama, who then went out at the door in the light of the grey morning. In a moment, Florence sat up wondering whether this had really taken place or not; but she was only certain that it was grey morning indeed, and that the blackened ashes of the fire were on the hearth, and that she was alone.
So passed the night on which the happy pair came home.

“千万别想从我这里寻找那不存在的东西。”伊迪丝把手搁在胸脯上，说道，”如果你可能的话，千万别因为我这里没有你所想要找到的东西就离开我。你会慢慢地、更好地了解我的。总有一天，你会像我了解我自己一样地了解我。那时候，请尽可能对我宽厚吧，并且别把我将拥有的唯一甜蜜的回忆变为苦味的东西吧。”
当她一动不动地注视着弗洛伦斯的时候，可以在她的眼睛中看到泪水，这说明：那镇静的脸孔只不过是一个漂亮的假面具而已；可是她却依旧戴着它，继续说下去：
“我已经看到了你所说的情形，而且知道你说得多么真实。可是，请相信我--如果你现在不能相信的话，那么你很快就会相信的--，世界上没有任何人比我更没有能力来改正或帮助你，弗洛伦斯。千万别问我为什么这样，也不要再跟我谈到这或谈到我的丈夫。这应当成为我们之间不可跨越的鸿沟，让我们两人对它保持着坟墓般的沉默。”
她沉默地坐了一些时候，弗洛伦斯几乎不敢呼吸，因为事实真相的模糊不清、支离破碎的影子以及它的日常后果，正在她恐惧的、但仍然怀疑的想象之中一个接一个地出现。伊迪丝几乎停止说话，她的脸孔就立刻从她故作镇静之中回复到平时她单独跟弗洛伦斯在一起时那种比较平静、比较温和的神态。在发生了这种变化之后，她用手捂着脸孔；当她站起来，感情深厚地拥抱了弗洛伦斯，祝她晚安之后，她快步走了出去，没有再回过头来。
可是当弗洛伦斯躺在床上，房间里除了壁炉发出的火光之外，已经一片黑暗的时候，伊迪丝回来了，说她睡不着，在她的化妆室里感到寂寞；她把一张椅子移近壁炉，望着余烬逐渐熄灭。弗洛伦斯也从床上望着余烬，直到后来，这些余烬和余烬前面的高贵的人影儿（它飘垂着长发，若有所思的眼睛反射出即将熄灭的火光）变得模糊纷乱，最后消失在她的睡眠之中。
可是，新近发生的事情的模糊印象，弗洛伦斯就是在睡眠中也还不能排除。它构成她的梦景，紧缠着她：一会儿是这个形状，一会儿是另一个形状，但总是沉闷地压着她，使她感到恐惧。她梦见在旷野中寻找父亲，跟随着他的足迹，往上攀登险峻的高峰，往下步入纵深的矿井和岩洞；她负着某种使命，要把他从异乎寻常的苦难中解救出来--她不知道究竟是什么苦难，也不知道为什么发生这样的苦难--，可是她从来不能达到目的，使他获得自由；然后她看到他就在这个房间里，就在这张床上死去了；她知道他始终没有爱过她，就扑在他冷冰冰的胸脯上悲痛地大哭着。接着，展现出一幅远景：一条河流流过去，一个她所熟悉的悲哀的喊道，”它向前流着呢，弗洛伊！它永远也不停止！你正随着它一道前进呢！”她看到他站在远处向她伸出胳膊，一个像沃尔特的人和他并排站在一起，安详、沉静得令人可怕。在每一个梦景中，伊迪丝出现了，又消失了，有时给她带来欢乐，有时给她带来悲伤，最后她们两人站在一个黑暗的坟墓的边缘上，伊迪丝指向下面，她望过去，看见了--谁呀！--另一个伊迪丝正躺在底下。
她在这个恶梦的惊恐中大声喊叫着，并醒来了。一个温柔的似乎在她耳边低声说道，”弗洛伦斯，亲爱的弗洛伦斯，这只是个梦！”她伸出胳膊，回答她新妈妈的爱抚；然后，她的新妈妈在阴沉的晨光中从房间中走出去了。弗洛伦斯忽然间坐了起来，心中纳闷：这究竟是不是真正发生过的事情？但她只能肯定的是，这的确是个阴沉的早晨，黑色的灰烬留在壁炉地面上，房间中就只有她孤零零的一个人。
幸福的伉俪回到家来的这一夜，就这样过去了。