狄更斯双语小说:《董贝父子》第28章Part 3

Florence's mind ran high on this theme, and had done for some days. Mr Carker, in the two visits with which he had followed up his first one, had assumed a confidence between himself and her - a right on his part to be mysterious and stealthy, in telling her that the ship was still unheard of - a kind of mildly restrained power and authority over her - that made her wonder, and caused her great uneasiness. She had no means of repelling it, or of freeing herself from the web he was gradually winding about her; for that would have required some art and knowledge of the world, opposed to such address as his; and Florence had none. True, he had said no more to her than that there was no news of the ship, and that he feared the worst; but how he came to know that she was interested in the ship, and why he had the right to signify his knowledge to her, so insidiously and darkly, troubled Florence very much.
This conduct on the part of Mr Carker, and her habit of often considering it with wonder and uneasiness, began to invest him with an uncomfortable fascination in Florence's thoughts. A more distinct remembrance of his features, voice, and manner: which she sometimes courted, as a means of reducing him to the level of a real personage, capable of exerting no greater charm over her than another: did not remove the vague impression. And yet he never frowned, or looked upon her with an air of dislike or animosity, but was always smiling and serene.
Again, Florence, in pursuit of her strong purpose with reference to her father, and her steady resolution to believe that she was herself unwittingly to blame for their so cold and distant relations, would recall to mind that this gentleman was his confidential friend, and would think, with an anxious heart, could her struggling tendency to dislike and fear him be a part of that misfortune in her, which had turned her father's love adrift, and left her so alone? She dreaded that it might be; sometimes believed it was: then she resolved that she would try to conquer this wrong feeling; persuaded herself that she was honoured and encouraged by the notice of her father's friend; and hoped that patient observation of him and trust in him would lead her bleeding feet along that stony road which ended in her father's heart.
Thus, with no one to advise her - for she could advise with no one without seeming to complain against him - gentle Florence tossed on an uneasy sea of doubt and hope; and Mr Carker, like a scaly monster of the deep, swam down below, and kept his shining eye upon her. Florence had a new reason in all this for wishing to be at home again. Her lonely life was better suited to her course of timid hope and doubt; and she feared sometimes, that in her absence she might miss some hopeful chance of testifying her affection for her father. Heaven knows, she might have set her mind at rest, poor child! on this last point; but her slighted love was fluttering within her, and, even in her sleep, it flew away in dreams, and nestled, like a wandering bird come home, upon her father's neck.
Of Walter she thought often. Ah! how often, when the night was gloomy, and the wind was blowing round the house! But hope was strong in her breast. It is so difficult for the young and ardent, even with such experience as hers, to imagine youth and ardour quenched like a weak flame, and the bright day of life merging into night, at noon, that hope was strong yet. Her tears fell frequently for Walter's sufferings; but rarely for his supposed death, and never long.
She had written to the old Instrument-maker, but had received no answer to her note: which indeed required none. Thus matters stood with Florence on the morning when she was going home, gladly, to her old secluded life.

弗洛伦斯的思想集中在这个问题上，好几天也离不开它。卡克先生在接着第一次拜访之后而来的两次拜访中，装出他和她相互信任似的，并装出他有权神秘地和悄悄地告诉她，那条船还是下落不明，而且他对她有一种稍稍加以克制的权力和影响，这使她感到奇怪，并使她心中产生极大的不安。她无法拒绝它，使她自己从他逐渐缠绕在她身上的蜘蛛网中解脱出来；因为那需要掌握这世界的某种策略和知识，才能对抗他的这种诡计，而弗洛伦斯却没有掌握。不错，他除了对她说那条船杳无音讯，并说，他担心会发生最坏的结果之外，并没有再说别的，但是他怎么知道她关心这条船，为什么他有权利那么阴险地、恶毒地把他知道的事情告诉给她呢，弗洛伦斯对这感到苦恼不安。
卡克先生的这种行为以及她经常怀疑和不安地思考它的习惯，开始使他在弗洛伦斯的思想中具有一种很令人不愉快的魔力。有时，为了使他成为一个真实的人，不能比其他人对她施加更大的魔力，她就想方设法，更清楚地回忆起他的面貌、声音和神态，可是这样做，并不能消除她心中那模糊的印象。然而他却从不皱眉蹙额，也从不露出厌恶或敌意的神态来看她，而总是笑容满脸，安详自若。
另一方面，弗洛伦斯由于强烈地怀抱着要达到重新赢得她父亲喜爱的目的，并坚决相信她自己非出本意地应对他们父女之间如此冷淡与疏远的关系负责，因此她会想到，这位先生是她父亲知心的朋友；她还会忧虑地想到，她对他产生厌恶和恐惧的思想会不会是她促使她父亲不爱她并造成她如此孤独的不幸原因之一呢？她担心可能是这样；有时她相信就正是这样。于是她就决心克服这种错误的感情，使她自己相信，她父亲的朋友的关注对她来说是光荣和鼓励；并希望对他进行耐心的观察和信任将会引导她的流血的双脚走过那坎坷不平的道路，通向她父亲的心。
就这样，没有人给她出主意——因为她要跟人商量，似乎就像是抱怨父亲似的——，温柔的弗洛伦斯在怀疑与希望的不平静的海洋上颠簸着；卡克先生则像是深海中有鳞的妖怪一样在下面游着，闪闪发光的眼睛一直在注视着她。 弗洛伦斯在这一切之中，又有了一个希望重新回家的新理由。孤独的生活更适合于她怀有胆怯的希望与怀疑的过程；她有时担心，当她不在家的时候，她也许会错过向她父亲表明她的爱心的好机会。天知道，她可以在这最后的一点上让她的心安静下来，可怜的孩子！可是她那受到冷落的爱正在她的心中跳动，它甚至在她睡眠时飞了出去，像一只在外游荡的鸟儿飞回家一样，安息在她父亲的脖子上。
她时常思念沃尔特。啊！当夜色朦胧，风在屋外吹刮的时候，她曾经多少次想到了他啊！但是她心中怀着强烈的希望。对于年轻和感情热烈的人——甚至像她那样经验不多的人——来说，很难想象青春与热忱会像微弱的火焰一样熄灭，生命的白天会在中午就被黑夜吞没，因此，希望在她心中仍然是强烈的。她时常为沃尔特所遭受的苦难而流泪，但却很少为他假定的死亡而流泪，时间也从来不长久。
她曾经写信给年老的仪器制造商，但却没有得到回音，但她在信中并没有要求回复。那天早上弗洛伦斯高高兴兴地准备回家去过她以往的隐居生活的时候，她的情况就是这样。