狄更斯双语小说:《董贝父子》第38章Part1

The forlorn Miss Tox, abandoned by her friend Louisa Chick, and bereft of Mr Dombey's countenance - for no delicate pair of wedding cards, united by a silver thread, graced the chimney-glass in Princess's Place, or the harpsichord, or any of those little posts of display which Lucretia reserved for holiday occupation - became depressed in her spirits, and suffered much from melancholy. For a time the Bird Waltz was unheard in Princess's Place, the plants were neglected, and dust collected on the miniature of Miss Tox's ancestor with the powdered head and pigtail.
Miss Tox, however, was not of an age or of a disposition long to abandon herself to unavailing regrets. Only two notes of the harpsichord were dumb from disuse when the Bird Waltz again warbled and trilled in the crooked drawing-room: only one slip of geranium fell a victim to imperfect nursing, before she was gardening at her green baskets again, regularly every morning; the powdered-headed ancestor had not been under a cloud for more than six weeks, when Miss Tox breathed on his benignant visage, and polished him up with a piece of wash-leather.
Still, Miss Tox was lonely, and at a loss. Her attachments, however ludicrously shown, were real and strong; and she was, as she expressed it, 'deeply hurt by the unmerited contumely she had met with from Louisa.' But there was no such thing as anger in Miss Tox's composition. If she had ambled on through life, in her soft spoken way, without any opinions, she had, at least, got so far without any harsh passions. The mere sight of Louisa Chick in the street one day, at a considerable distance, so overpowered her milky nature, that she was fain to seek immediate refuge in a pastrycook's, and there, in a musty little back room usually devoted to the consumption of soups, and pervaded by an ox-tail atmosphere, relieve her feelings by weeping plentifully.
Against Mr Dombey Miss Tox hardly felt that she had any reason of complaint. Her sense of that gentleman's magnificence was such, that once removed from him, she felt as if her distance always had been immeasurable, and as if he had greatly condescended in tolerating her at all. No wife could be too handsome or too stately for him, according to Miss Tox's sincere opinion. It was perfectly natural that in looking for one, he should look high. Miss Tox with tears laid down this proposition, and fully admitted it, twenty times a day. She never recalled the lofty manner in which Mr Dombey had made her subservient to his convenience and caprices, and had graciously permitted her to be one of the nurses of his little son. She only thought, in her own words, 'that she had passed a great many happy hours in that house, which she must ever remember with gratification, and that she could never cease to regard Mr Dombey as one of the most impressive and dignified of men.'

可怜的托克斯小姐被她的朋友路易莎?奇克抛弃，又被剥夺了见到董贝先生容颜的幸福，变得意气消沉，郁郁不乐（因为她没有收到用一根银线连结在一起的一对精致的结婚请贴，不能用它来装饰公主广场壁炉上的镜子或大键琴，也不能用它来点缀那些卢克丽霞留着在假日陈列装饰品的小板框）。有一段时候，公主广场听不到鸟儿圆舞曲了，花卉没有人去照料了，托克斯小姐那位头发上撒粉和留着辫子的祖先的小画像上积满了灰尘。
可是，不论就年龄来说，还是就性情来说，托克斯小姐都不是会长久沉陷在无益的悔恨之中的人。当鸟儿圆舞曲在形状弯曲的客厅里重新发出颤音，弹响起来的时候，大键琴上只有两个键由于长久没有使用，发不出来了；在她每天早上重新定时地在绿色的篮子前面料理花卉之前，只有天竺葵的一个幼枝成了护理不善的牺牲品；那位头上撒粉的祖先在尘埃的覆盖下没有超过六个星期，托克斯小姐就对着他仁慈的脸孔哈气，并用一块麂皮把他擦得明明亮亮的了。
然而，托克斯小姐仍然感到孤单寂寞，不知如何是好。她爱慕董贝先生的感情，不管多么可笑地暴露出来，却是真实和强烈的；正像她自己所说的，她已”被路易莎的侮辱深深地伤害了，而这种侮辱是她不应当受到的”。不过托克斯小姐的性格是不知道发怒的。如果说她曾经柔语轻声、唯唯诺诺地走过了她的生活道路的话，那么至少她直到现在还没有发过脾气。有一天她在街道上，隔着相当远的距离，只是看到了路易莎一眼，她那柔弱的性格就支架不住，不得不立即拐到一家糕饼店里去躲避；店里有一间霉臭的小后房，通常是用来喝汤的，房间里充满了牛尾巴的气味；她在那里掉了不少眼泪来排遣她悲伤的感情。
对于董贝先生，托克斯小姐并不感到她有任何理由好抱怨的。这位上等人物的崇高的身份在她的心目中达到了这样的程度：当她一旦被迫离开了他，她就觉得仿佛她和他之间的距离一直是大得无法计量的，仿佛他过去是极为宽宏大量，才容忍她到他那里去的。托克斯小姐真心实意地相信，没有什么人当他的妻子会是太漂亮或是太华贵的。他既然有意物色一位妻子，那么十分自然，他的眼界就应当是高的。托克斯小姐流着眼泪得出了这个正确的结论，一天承认它二十次。她从来没有回想起，董贝先生曾经以一种傲慢的态度，利用她为他自己的利益和任性服务，并且宽大地允许她成为他小儿子的保姆当中的一位。用她自己的话来说，她只是想到”她在那个公馆中度过了许许多多幸福的时光，她应当永远感激地铭记在心；她永远也不会改变地认为，董贝先生是最令人难忘的最高贵的人物当中的一位。”。