狄更斯双语小说:《董贝父子》第46章Part9

As he broke them up and strewed them in the grate, he looked on with a thoughtful smile at what he was doing. 'Without the same queen beckoner too!' he added presently; 'and there is pride there, not to be forgotten - witness our own acquaintance!' With that he fell into a deeper reverie, and sat pondering over the blackening grate, until he rose up like a man who had been absorbed in a book, and looking round him took his hat and gloves, went to where his horse was waiting, mounted, and rode away through the lighted streets, for it was evening.
He rode near Mr Dombey's house; and falling into a walk as he approached it, looked up at the windows The window where he had once seen Florence sitting with her dog attracted his attention first, though there was no light in it; but he smiled as he carried his eyes up the tall front of the house, and seemed to leave that object superciliously behind.
'Time was,' he said, 'when it was well to watch even your rising little star, and know in what quarter there were clouds, to shadow you if needful. But a planet has arisen, and you are lost in its light.'
He turned the white-legged horse round the street corner, and sought one shining window from among those at the back of the house. Associated with it was a certain stately presence, a gloved hand, the remembrance how the feathers of a beautiful bird's wing had been showered down upon the floor, and how the light white down upon a robe had stirred and rustled, as in the rising of a distant storm. These were the things he carried with him as he turned away again, and rode through the darkening and deserted Parks at a quick rate.
In fatal truth, these were associated with a woman, a proud woman, who hated him, but who by slow and sure degrees had been led on by his craft, and her pride and resentment, to endure his company, and little by little to receive him as one who had the privilege to talk to her of her own defiant disregard of her own husband, and her abandonment of high consideration for herself. They were associated with a woman who hated him deeply, and who knew him, and who mistrusted him because she knew him, and because he knew her; but who fed her fierce resentment by suffering him to draw nearer and yet nearer to her every day, in spite of the hate she cherished for him. In spite of it! For that very reason; since in its depths, too far down for her threatening eye to pierce, though she could see into them dimly, lay the dark retaliation, whose faintest shadow seen once and shuddered at, and never seen again, would have been sufficient stain upon her soul.
Did the phantom of such a woman flit about him on his ride; true to the reality, and obvious to him?
Yes. He saw her in his mind, exactly as she was. She bore him company with her pride, resentment, hatred, all as plain to him as her beauty; with nothing plainer to him than her hatred of him. He saw her sometimes haughty and repellent at his side, and some times down among his horse's feet, fallen and in the dust. But he always saw her as she was, without disguise, and watched her on the dangerous way that she was going.
And when his ride was over, and he was newly dressed, and came into the light of her bright room with his bent head, soft voice, and soothing smile, he saw her yet as plainly. He even suspected the mystery of the gloved hand, and held it all the longer in his own for that suspicion. Upon the dangerous way that she was going, he was, still; and not a footprint did she mark upon it, but he set his own there, straight'

当他把它们敲碎、撒在炉篦上的时候，他露出若有所思的微笑，看着自己所干的事情。”是的，即使没有王后的引诱也会这样的！”他立即补充了一句；”有一种高傲是不应当忘记的--它是我们相识的见证人！”说着，他就陷入了更为出神的沉思，坐在那里，对着正在暗黑下去的炉篦默想着，随后像一个人离开专心看着的书本一样地站了起来，向四周看看，拿了帽子和手套，走到他的马正在等候他的地方，骑上马，沿着灯光明亮的街道骑去，因为这时已是晚上了。
他骑近董贝先生的住宅；快到的时候，他勒住马，让马放慢脚步，一步一步地走着，同时望着上面的窗子。有一次他曾看到弗洛伦斯带着她的狗坐在里面的那个窗子首先吸引了他的注意，虽然这时里面已没有灯光了；可是当他把眼光投到这座公馆高大的正面的时候，他微笑了，似乎目空一切地把那窗子抛在后面。
“过去有一段时候，”他说道，”甚至连您这颗升起的小星也是值得注视的，而且还得知道乌云聚集在什么地方，以便在需要的时候好去掩护您。可是现在一颗行星升上来了，在它的光辉中您已经黯然失色了。”
他把白腿的马转到街道拐角处，从这座公馆背面的许多窗子中寻找一个闪射出亮光的窗子。这个窗子使他联想起那庄严的态度，那戴上手套的手，也使他回想起那只美丽的鸟儿的翅膀上的羽毛怎样纷纷落到地板上，长衣上那轻飘飘的白色绒毛怎样颤抖着，发出沙沙的，就像面临即将刮起的风暴一样。当他又转身离开，以快速的步伐骑过公园的黑暗的、无人的小路的时候，他带走了这些回忆。
不可避免的事实是，这些回忆都跟一位女人，一位高傲的女人联系着；她憎恨他，但是由于他采取了狡猾的手腕，也由于她怀着高傲与怨恨的情绪，她被慢慢地而又确实地引导到习惯于容忍他跟她在一起相处了；她逐渐地习惯于把他当作一位有特殊权利的人来接待，他有权向她谈到她对她自己丈夫无礼的轻蔑和她自暴自弃地轻视自己。这些回忆跟一位女人联系着；她深切地憎恨他，她了解他，并正因为她了解他和因为他了解她，所以她不信任他；可是尽管她对他怀着憎恨，她却容许他一天天地接近她，以便激起她强烈的怨恨。尽管她对他怀着憎恨！正是由于这个理由她才容许他一天天地接近她的；因为在这憎恨的深渊（它太深了，虽然她能模糊地向里面探视，但却不是她的威胁性的眼光所能看透的）隐藏着她狠毒的报复，它的最淡弱的影子足以玷污她的灵魂；只要看一次就会令人毛骨悚然，决不会再去看的。
当他骑马的时候，这女人的幻影，这与真实完全一致、他看得明明白白的幻影，是不是在他的周围飞翔呢？
是的。他在心中看到她，一如她平时的样子。她容忍他跟她在一起的时候，在他眼中，她那高傲、怨恨、憎恶的情绪，就像她美丽的容貌一样清清楚楚。没有什么能比她对他的憎恨更为清楚的了。他有时看到她在他身旁态度傲慢，拒人于千里之外；有时又看到她摔倒在他的马蹄下，躺在尘土中。但是他总是看到她，就像她平时的样子，没有任何掩饰，而且注视着她在向着危险的道路上走去。
当他骑马游逛之后，换上衣服，低着头，露出谄媚的微笑，轻声柔语地走进她的明亮的房间里的时候，他同样清楚地看到她。他甚至对那戴上手套的手的秘密产生了猜疑，正由于这个猜疑，他把它在他手中握得比以前更久一些。他依旧跟随着她在危险的道路上走去，她所留下的每个脚印，他都把自己的脚紧跟着踩在上面。